another piece of social commentary...

on saturday, we witnessed the "retirement" of two guys who are so full of life they could likely give old age a bad name. bob is already playing in four bands (bass)....and joe (who has invested in venturan kids for 40 years through basketball and teaching, in the style of john wooden) is ready to WIN on "Survivor" --thus all those at his retirement function made themselves available to scream, "PUT JOE ON SURVIVOR!" for the vidcams several times.
by contrast, two men one generation removed. both former drug users/alcohol abusers, they both grew up without their fathers' love and both seem to be bipolar at this moment. does the root of rejection born of divorce simply become the fountainhead for a whole plethora of undiagnosed issues that the genreation of parents of these men chose to conveniently ignore in the quest for happiness with yet another new partner?
the two men in paragraph one were both kids who grew up when parents got along because that was part of their job description. they just didn't get divorced. in fact, joe is famous for honoring his parents each time he speaks in public and the video retrospective of joe's life was dedicated to his dad's memory. his dad wasn't a superhero; he was just a local realtor in the postwar era married to a stay at home mom whgo loved him and her sons. what a boring life, eh? how we've mocked the "ozzie and harriet" family and how we've declared over and over in the more recent media that such families were a lie and never existed.
but apparently they did.
Joe's parents produced three sons who were focused, successful, able to invest themselves in others. Why? Because they were emotionally, spiritually, full enough to have something to give.

By contrast, the two younger men, and not all that young (at either end of their 30s), are so pitifully self-focused that it takes a real effort on their parts to even be temporarily able to think of others. it's not so much selfishness as it is the simple inability to ever be full emotionally or spiritually; therefore all of their lives are focused on getting more validation, whether through drugs, illicit relationships that destroy those they love, through shucking and jiving and appearing to have stuff to give...when it's all just a way to try to get the love, validation and approval they never received as children. i know men in their fifties who are still in this spot emotionally and spiritually. it's one reason those under 30 have so little understanding of what life is...for these boys grew to be old enough to reproduce without ever having anything understood themselves, unable to nurture, because they themselves needed nurturing.

so what's the upshot? those fabulous careers we opted for in the 70s, ladies, were a drain emotionally on us and therefore on our children. there are things they can't feel deeply, there are places mentally they can't go and ways to empathize they have not learned, for their developmental lives were emotionally stunted by our careers, our happiness, our divorces and addictions. they are reduced to living for the remainders of their lives with the sadly empty emotional buckets that give rise to preschooler-like behavior. Because their buckets were never filled, their emotional selves were never satisfied enough to be able to move beyond themselves.

there is no drug, no med, no therapy that can undo this rotted foundation . yet, even brain researchers have now discovered the contemplative prayer, time alone with God the Father who heals every hurt, seems to be one way we are able to burn new neural grooves and forge new links to our unsatisfied, emotionally blasted selves. stands to reason, doesn't it? or perhaps, it stands not to reason, but only to grace.

for reason has failed us...it didn't stand us in good stead but left us full of holes and longing for the daddy we never had. Only the Perfect Father is able. But is He ever able! Resting in His arms is the only place those emotional vacuums can be filled, the only place those sieve-like "emotional buckets" can ever be filled to overflow with love for those outside ourselves.

and the old guys? may they live long and prosper...enough to touch the kids who are just being born with the simple realities of life well lived. the contrast is more than sadly stunning...for it is an emotional and spiritual pandemic that has been ignored for over thirty years. The good news is that God's mercy hasn't changed, given out or been put on half-rations. it's all there for the bruised, empty ones who will reach out in their brokenness to find the Daddy who really loves them.